"One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul and yet no one ever come to sit by it. Passersby see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on the way."
"You know, I believe that the toughest things in life are usually the hardest."
TCU football coach Gary Patterson in a radio interview before the big game against Utah. So profound.
"Didn’t they always say we were the lucky ones? I guess that we were once…but luck will leave you ‘cause it is a faithless friend. And in the end, when life has got you down, you’ve got someone here that you can wrap your arms around."
"Unlike his predecessors, Obama was selected not for substantive accomplishments, but for his “vision” and inspiring “hope” at the beginning of his presidency."
Yes, because before Obama came along, none of us ever thought about the future or hoped for a better nation. Thanks for the radical change!
Cross Off Things You’ve Done In Your Life
Graduated High School.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park. Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Failed a class.
Taken a college level course. Been in a car accident. Been in a tornado.Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself. (accidentally)
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Cut yourself. Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Been to jail.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.Fired a gun.
Had an online diary.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
And a lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Voted for American/Australian Idol. Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe. Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12. Had surgery.
Taken a taxi. Seen the Washington Monument. Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s. Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.
The me that wants an afternoon/evening quad-espresso pick-me-up always forgets about the me at 2:30 am, desperately desiring sleep. Whyyyy, first me?? You are so inconsiderate of second me. Second me is beginning to hate you…or me. Now I’m confused.
Advice to Help You Seem Like Less of an Idiot
Don’t be one of those people who gets flustered/defensive when confronted with a credit card reader. Yes, I know they’re all different; you are not the first person to reach that conclusion. But to quote the principal in Napoleon Dynamite: "You do understand English? This isn’t that complex."
Folks, I simply cannot help myself. Yesterday, I broke the rule I had been obeying so diligently for months: “Don’t go to Half Price Books until after you finish all the books you own.” I had two hours to kill before lab. It just happened.
But. In all fairness, this type should be allowed. Right? Everyone needs a Complete Idiot’s Guide or two.
Can we all agree that this is just too good not to post?